Everyone has a journey they must travel to learn the lessons they are here to receive. The roads we travel mould and shape us into who we are, who we are meant to become, and lead us to the people who are meant to impact our lives so we may achieve our soul’s purpose.
Like most of the world, I carried judgement of others.
I would find myself wondering “why do they do that?” or I would question the way they behaved in the world. The funny thing is, questioning others, allowing myself to feel annoyed by others’ decisions for how they chose to live or behave, did nothing to impact them. It didn’t change the way they made their choices or how they lived their lives. What it did do was rob me of my own joy because I allowed myself to BE annoyed.
When I eventually came around to this realization I decided to release my judgments and say to myself, “not my journey, not my lessons”, and I’d wish them well, sending them off with love.
As I continued on with my own journey, exploring the coaching world, delving into spirituality, personal development practices, joining groups online that turned my beliefs upside down and inside out, and going as far as attending therapy to navigate some of my emotional struggles, I can to understand that those same judgments I once held for others, I had heaped heavily into myself.
I compared my desires and the passions that beat in my heart, to the expectations offered by society, from parental influence, colleagues and friends. Because my beliefs put me outside the realm of “normalcy”, I internalized this to mean I was wrong, broken, inadequate and not enough.
While I’ve always questioned why the rules are the rules, why things are done the way they’re done, I neglected to question why I was living by those rules and holding myself to those beliefs. Truth be told, I didn’t even realize I had been doing it.
The first time I questioned these rules and beliefs was in 2018 after taking my first group coaching program. During the program, we had been asked to list out our goals based on certain areas of our life. As we went through the program, we had to whittle these goals down until we had gone from a list of ten or so, to roughly only three. Each time I reviewed these lists, rating and re-rating the importance of one over another, the same three goals came up: to travel, to have freedom, to create. Which shook the very foundation for the life I was currently living, and made it crumble around me. You see, my entire life was centred around having kids. Being a mother. And not once did that “goal” reappear after the first list of goals was written. It wasn’t MY goal for myself. It was a belief I had taken on, based on how women were judged in the world. There is so much pressure on women to have children, their value intricately and complicatedly intertwined with their ability to bear children.
Every decision made, from the vehicle I drove, the home I purchased, the career I had taken, had been made with the idea that my children would exist. And no matter what I did, I was miserable, bored with life, and wholly dissatisfied with life.
All because I neglected to ask why I wanted kids or if I was chasing a life based on the expectations of what I SHOULD want. And the funny thing is, I don’t really want any of it. My heart has always longed for open spaces. I feel the most at peace on the road, stopping to take in the world around me and explore the hidden gems buried deep within the places less travelled.
Yet, I ignored it. When those feelings bubble their way up to the surface, welling inside me, ready to burst forth and create the beautiful destruction necessary to break down these false truths I lived by, I’d steel myself against them, dam them up tighter and deeper with thoughts like, “I’ll disappoint my parents… my Gramma… if I don’t do x,y,z”. And I’d tell myself “You’ll be a freak, a weirdo, and Unaccepted in society if you live that way”. I was extremely good at telling myself that it also “wasn’t at all financially possible to achieve those dreams”.
But the reality is, you create your reality.
By believing it wasn’t financially possible, that I was unfit for society to live my heart’s desires, or that I’d disappoint my family, I was making it so.
I manifested financial hardship, always struggling to make more money. I made myself feel like an outsider and uncomfortable around others, which ultimately made it very difficult to be IN the world around me.
And, No matter how many coaching programs I’d signed up for, no matter the number of masterclasses I completed, I continued to struggle, continued to feel like an outsider, feeling “not good enough”, or not smart enough to accomplish what my peers were able to accomplish.
But the reason I continued to slip and slide on the hills and valleys of life, while others scaled them and blazed trails with what seemed like so little effort, was because I was continually seeking outside myself for the answers, for the approvals and for love.
Coaching and personal development practices are not the keys to a successful and happy life filled with love and accomplishments. They don’t unlock a magical door to transformation and abundance. They ARE the doors. That’s why there are so many avenues you can journey down. From life coaching and spiritual practices like healing your mother wounds, tapping into intuition, connecting to your higher self through spiritual practices, and all the other options in a long list of possibilities.
They are simply options. Samples of possible lives you could be living. Once you walk through those doors, you’ll experience the lessons and obtain the tools to achieve the life you want to live, just like you learn from everyday living if you’re open to receive the knowledge you’re being given. But in order to pass through that threshold and receive the lessons offered on the other side, you have to first unlock the door.
And that’s the hardest lesson of all.
I spent countless hours trying to learn the lessons and change my life, with little success. These programs were supposed to magically fix everything that was wrong with me and make me abundantly successful in my businesses and fill up my bank account. And when they didn’t, I got angry. I beat myself up for falling for someone’s sales pitch and nonsense, further burying myself in debt that pushed my goals further and further out of reach. Oh boy, was I angry!
Fortunately, anger can be a useful tool, too. Anger causes change. It can motivate you to create the change you needed to see, to make things happen, in order for you to go beyond your current circumstances. It can be the fire under your butt that has become far too comfortable in its current situation.
In my anger I stepped away from what everyone else was doing. I stopped watching them, seeking answers from them and their actions. I stopped listening to the outside noise and I re centered within myself. I meditated more, learning to sit in the uncomfortableness of myself and my ego. I got more in touch with my body through yoga and stretching and paid closer attention to what aches and what felt good. I created art and did things I enjoyed simply for the sake of feeling joy that was untethered to the opinions of others.
And then the truth struck me like a lighting bolt to the brain.
I was the key. I was the freaking key.
Going inward, listening to what was sparking my joy, learning to be comfortable with myself. Going inward allowed me to hear and feel what I needed to hear and feel so I could make the proper decisions necessary to choose the right door for my life.
See, you can take 100 business masterminds, and 100 more masterclasses on how to make more money, but they’ll never work for you if being a business owner with a lofty bank account aren’t actually in tune with your soul frequency; the essence of who you really are and are meant to be.
But once you come to understand that you hold the keys to those doors, you can choose the programs and courses with greater purpose, with a heart and mind wide open to receive the wisdom offered there. And then you’ll see the change you had been previously missing. You’ll stop stumbling and tumbling over those mountains, and begin to sail up and over them with ease, sharing what you’ve learned along the way.
If you’re signing up to these programs and courses because you think they’re the answer, it’s like standing on the outside of the classroom, peering in windows trying to learn the lessons simply by seeing the blackboard, all while being unable to hear what is being shared.
Not only will you rob yourself of half the lesson, but you’re robbing yourself of your truth and the opportunity to spread your wings and do what you’re meant to do!