We Suck at Self-Care – The Great Canadian Woman

September 14, 2020

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Rummana Abid

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We Suck at Self-Care

As women, we suck at self-care. In most things in our lives, we think of what others around us want rather than what we want for ourselves!

Taking care of oneself in a way which is actually good for us, is something which probably does not come very easily.

Life, today, is abundant with choices in whatever we do; from the career we choose to the food we eat, from the vacations we take to the schools our kids go to.

However, a lot of times, our choices are made based on standards which someone else sets for us, either the family, society or the external environment in general. And to stretch ourselves to achieve goals which were set due to such external influences prevents us from being truly happy or even in touch with our actual self.

Education

Either as forced conditioning from early years or as subtle endeavors, parents have a major role to play in the education path a child chooses. These are times where parents are more open to extracurricular pursuits which enable an all-round development – but to choose a career path which is risky in providing a stable future financially is not something which is encouraged.

As a result, we end up choosing not those subjects which we might probably be best at, but what the world around us thinks are good for us.

Education plays a significant role in a fulfilling life, right till the end, and the onus of this one lies on the parents or caregivers.

Career

The kind of work we do, in most cases, depends on its financial returns. And our need for finances is based on what the world thinks we need.

A small two bedroom apartment might be sufficient for my personal needs, but if a small place mars my status and I have the means to buy a bigger place, I am going to strive for it.

Ambition is a good thing, but if it is based on parameters set not by us, the loss is ours.

A 14 hour work day doing something which we are passionate about could be a dream come true! However not all of us are blessed with a career as such. On the other hand, if we are spending the better half of the day doing something which stresses us out and impacts our well-being, maybe drawing some boundaries and making certain changes might not be a bad idea.

Vacations/Entertainment

Globalization has given entertainment a new definition too.  The moment we decide to take a vacation, any corner of the world is open to us. We can go to France and try French cuisine in a Parisian café, or the same cuisine is available to us in our very own city. The list and options to entertainment are endless.

As many advantages as there are of this kind of exposure, the fact remains is that everything comes with a cost. To some, the idea of an ideal vacation might be cozying up in the comforts of one’s home however that might hardly be ‘Instagrammable’.

If we are slogging ourselves out to afford expensive vacations, or since we can afford it, fancy dining or fancy holidays become almost like a necessity, we should sit back and think again.

To be able to do what we truly enjoy – this should be the only parameter for entertainment and it would make our time off truly relaxing and rejuvenating.

Relationships

Relationships are meant to soothe our heart and brighten up our lives. A friend, a spouse or a parent is that comfort zone where we can shed all that is not the actual ‘us’ and just be ourselves.

Materialism in relationships mars the basic foundation of the same. And so does the need to ‘show’. Forming relationships with certain individuals because that is what is ‘expected from us’ is a weakener too. If we form and pursue relationships solely because they are beneficial for us in any or all of the above ways, we are doing harm to none but ourselves.

A marriage alliance, for example, is heavily based on financial stability. As much as that is a very practical need for a family set up to run; first checking out for understanding and love between the two individuals who are tying the knot, would go a long way in the success of the relationship than anything else.

In every choice which we make, we should put our mental, physical and emotional well-being first and not after that of our loved ones.

To let our lives not run, rather be overrun by anything external to the above, is worth living by.

 

4 replies on “We Suck at Self-Care”

Bang on!!!!! Exactly we all do or go through and exactly how most of us are driven to make our choices…. Captured it perfectly👏👏👏

Wow, I have no words to express. What Years of therapy thought me about (our choices), you penned down so beautifully. So beautifully written. Kudos

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