October 2, 2020
Is Everything Really The Parents’ Fault?
When it comes to kids, parents tend to take up a lot more on them than it is considered sane to. Is a difficult child really the parents’ fault?
If a 3 year old sneezes, our mind consciously or subconsciously goes back the day or a couple of days to what he or she has eaten, where they have been, how long they were out, etc. – to gauge where the sneeze came from, and then start guessing what it would lead to?
A little girl in my son’s preschool never seems to get her artwork home, well, because she doesn’t do any! The mother blames her less artsy self for why her daughter doesn’t seem to make a relationship with paints. Maybe it is or maybe it is not! Maybe her little one might take to art a little later with no looking back!
Despite the fact that our children carry our genes, they are their own individual selves. And more often than not, their likes, dislikes,and the way they behave should all be attributed to their person.
The clinging child…
A child feeds on his or her mother’s fears and insecurities. This is something we conclude when we see a little one really attached to her mother; Refusing to leave her side at the playground or to go to school. If this child is one against many other kids who happily walk into that class, all fingers point to the mother.
This should not be the case. Because all that it is, is a kid who is just a little more sensitive and is just facing a little more trouble to leave his mother than anyone else.
The food fussy child…
Food habits of a child very easily track down to that of his or her household. It is partly true; as she is not going to develop a taste for food which she has never tasted. However it is also true that food habits change with time. And it is a very common experience with parents that despite having similar dishes on the table for years, the child suddenly stops eating something and never touches it again. I know of a 7 year old who loved sushi the first time he ate it!
Something known as nutrigenomics is a study which relates genes to our taste buds. But it is not the only factor. Culture, ethnicity, individual experiences and a complicated science of protein receptors on the tongue also play an equally important role.
Hence moms, chill out if your child rejects certain foods.
The difficult child…
If a child gets difficult to handle or shows bully-like behaviour, we end up thinking that he might be getting too much privilege at home, and expects to get spoilt outside home too. Or that he is emulating something he sees at home.
However, home or parents are not the only factors which impact a child.
He or she could just be a strong-headed individual who wants to get her own way. Or it could be the other extreme where they might be struggling with insecurities, anger, hurt due to a one time or recurring incident at either the school, home or anywhere in the community which the kid gets involved with.
To nurture a child to grow up to be a self-sufficient positive individual is definitely a responsibility of the parents. But to take the onus of each and every trait of his is surely something caregivers do not need to indulge in.