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EPISODE 047 – How To Live In The Now, and Let Go Of The Past

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In today’s episode, Raquel shares: 

  • How we need to change our perspective on life’s events to embrace our now and look forward to the future.
  • Everything you need you already have. 
  • For every cause there is an effect, and for every action, there’s a reaction

Raquel’s humour and straight talk attitude is a breath of fresh air as she talks today about how we often think we’ve missed out on something by assuming that the ‘one who got away’ was our only chance at happiness. However, we can look at it another way, maybe we saved them some heartache, or it was a blessing in disguise for us. Tune in, because we promise you, no one can just make this stuff up! Have a listen to Raquels full episode by clicking the podcast player above or continuing reading for the full transcription.

Bet you wish you’d like the nice guy now huh?

Captain’s log: lockdown week number 365,451 and eleventeen. 

Sprawled across the sectional scrolling your social media feed, minding your business, drinking your water, and BAM! Staring back at you is a gorgeous family portrait watermark by a local celebrity photographer. What the H E double hockey sticks. You had to do a double take because your eyes must have deceived you. Is that really dude you curved back in 2002? No, no, no, no, no, no. Can’t be. Good luck Chuck was out here looking like A-list Charlie. You swipe left with your jaw locked open. And finally you understood what it meant to be shook. Let’s just say if a picture painted 1000 words these googly eyed soft touched images were giving all the feels of a Hallmark Christmas. 

So the yearbook was wrong. You guys were not most likely to end up together. Suddenly you feel warm. And so what do you have to show for it? blanket cocooned you snugly. As you tried hard to not accidentally double tap? You shift it into stealth stalker mode and as you peruse to this page you realized Oh snap! He’s celebrating an anniversary. 10 years. Say what? Have you been living under a rock? As much as you hate to admit it. The kids are actually cute, but you wouldn’t have put them in those outfits, the color did nothing for their skin tone #lowkeyjealous Who woulda thunk it? What’s his face actually turned out okay. Wow, he really accomplished all his pie in the sky dreams. Based on your thorough investigation and screenshots to your BFF included, of his profile and corresponding wifey’s page. They seem to have all the things you secretly desire. There you are mean mugging. You’re trying not to seem salty as you text back and forth with your girl. I mean, she a’ight, not his type, but I guess she could pass. Doing your best to tone down the petty so your envy wasn’t so obvious. Your stomach is doing somersaults as you think, this could have been your Facebook E-True Hollywood Story. Instead, you opted to go with the community garden tool that knew how to dip and fall back better than the 90s Patra. Oh, life is not fair! you scream inside. Be that as it may, you must also know that life is a series of decisions and whatever you decide is what you’ll get. This or that, nice guy or thug spend or save, need or want, party or study, right or wrong. Life or death, instant satisfaction or delayed gratification. Everything, every single thing you do all boils down to one thing or the other.

Every story has a beginning, middle and an end. Calm down. No, this is not my story. Although it very well could have been, that’s neither here nor there. I will say, I liked an amazingly sweet guy back in high school and dated him well into my early 20s. As lovely as he was then and even now evolved me would have probably driven that poor man up the wall. So many times we let our desires override the truth of what is right before us. We’d rather die trying to get that square peg to fit in the round hole, than to walk away and admit defeat. Let’s just say High School bae was my first realization in ‘girl you are quite replaceable!’.  Even now, in the still of most nights, as articles dance around in my head, so does the nagging question of, ‘what if?’ That one question that plagues many and taunts us into believing we’ve missed some golden opportunity. I say why not flip the script on that thinking? What if you’re moving out of position was the other person’s opportunity to dodge a bullet? What if you acting a plum fool was their a blessing in disguise? Sometimes the benefit is for the antagonist, the villain of the story, and not the protagonist, the hero of the story. Sometimes being the one that pulled the trigger is more detrimental than being shot. Either way, every so often, something good happens to people we don’t think deserve it. Even you! Let me free you of some ties that may have you bound. Life is about choices. Some we regret, some were proud of, some will haunt us forever. The message, we are what we choose. Graham Brown.

If you could, for one moment be honest with yourself. You know full well that at some point you were the toxic one. And for the record, that doesn’t mean you’re discardable or unlovable. Let’s say for argument’s sake that Miss confrontational me would have calmed a little attitude down and did marry Mr. Nice Guy. I truly believe life would have been good but I’d be living with more questions than answers somewhere in my mind. I would not be the me I am at this juncture in the grand scheme of things that would be more of a tragedy than not being married.

 Finally, I can honestly say, I like this me. She’s a really cool chick, a little lippy, but her heart is usually in the right place. She owns her crap and then finds ways to correct it. She takes reprimand without offense, and that shows she’s matured. While life with Goodfellow could have been safe and normal, it would mean I’d have no good stories to tell. I would not have been forced to dig deeper to find myself. Nor would I have fully understood that everything I was was everything I ever needed to be exactly who I am. For me coming into that truth was most essential in the process. If you want the answer, ask the question. 

Okay, all fluff and cliches aside, one really could have missed an opportunity in life. The first step as with everything is to own that. With that said, take what could have been out of the equation and remove it from your sight. All you have is what is and what will be. So the nice guy slash the love of your life has moved on. They hired someone else for the job, you have not been approved for the loan, and your pitch has been rejected for the 20th time. Now what? How do you plow through all these roadblocks to make any sense of what to do next? Well, let me help you. I read a scripture the other day that helped me to put my worry in a chokehold and caused it to tap out. It says,”I have observed something else under the sun. The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race. And the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance by being in the right place at the right time” Ecclesiastes 9:11. Ma’am, Sir, know that whatever has escaped you voluntarily or not does not mean you won’t ever get an opportunity to have what you desire. Being without it for a while longer is not the end of the world. No need you keep rehashing that should have, could have, would have, it will not add any value to that which is behind you and it won’t speed up what is before you. What I need you to do is join the Elsa corral and just let it go. Learn to be comfortable knowing that it didn’t work with a nice guy or gal. Stand back and appreciate the lesson of your disappointment. Don’t waste time pining when life is offering you so many opportunities for living! Take your eyes off what is behind you and focus on what is ahead. I used to think that the prayer of serenity was trite. But it is all encompassing and a necessary awareness one should embrace in case you need a reminder repeat after me. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Want to connect with Raquel online?  You can find her at www.raquelsherron.com, over on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/raquelsherron/ and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/raquel.s.pinder

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In gratitude,

The Great Canadian Woman inc.™ Team

Raquel Pinder

Raquel Pinder

While I can, I'm not going to use some 'clever' word-play to paint a picture-perfect version of myself to you. What I will say is I'm someone who has a great deal of practice in rebounding from the act and art of doing dumbness. Which probably makes us have more in common than you may have initially thought. My accolades and achievements are trivial in the grand scheme of things. Truth be told, degrees don't mend broken hearts, nor does experience erase bad decisions. Really, all I am is a girl, saved by God's amazing grace-in that He's the only reason I'm still relatively sane. I've finally grasped the infamous church mother's tagline. You know the one: 'You don't know like I know what the Lord has done for me!' What matters most about me can be aptly conveyed in the words of Apostle Paul: I know how to survive in tight situations, and I know how to enjoy having plenty. In fact, I have learned how to face any situation: fed or hungry, with or without. My life is not short on exciting moments that make for amusing stories.

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